Hell and Utopia

An invite to a BBQ at the home of one of my closest old school mates provided the ideal opportunity to blend this in with this weekend's cycle ride. Notwithstanding a blazing hot forecast, I figured the planned 35.5 mile route would be ample in the heat. 35.5 miles soon became 41 though!

Nathan lives just outside Dover and the route followed a course due East across gently undulating countryside until I had to climb the Wye Downs (an eastern extension of the North Downs) followed by a few nasty hills before reaching his house, meeting up with the support team (Ali and the kids), jumping in Nath's pool and then consuming copious quantities of beer and as much meat as I could handle. Sounded like a plan.

I left at 1015 witha target of arriving at 1400. It was blazing hot even when I left but the route along the foot of the Downs past numerous poppy fields was glorious.



I headed due East, through Harrietsham, Lenham Heath, Charing Heath and then with the threat of having to climb the Downs at Charing, I veered off towards Westwell. Westwell and Charing are two other villages closely associated with Vants with my grandad and numerous ancestors all being born and raised in these two villages.

After a few miles, I entered Eastwell, site of Eastwell Manor, one of the truly impressive (and very exclusive) hotels in Kent.

My sister was married here in 2005 and unsurprisingly there are many tales of ghosts and things that go bump in the night in this beautiful residence. Within a couple of hundred yards of this gate is a beautiful cricket pitch on the village green - much like our own in Bearsted.

The route so far had been incredibly pleasant and I hadn't realised that I had already undertaken a gentle 500ft climb. Not until, that is, I went on a descent and then looked ahead of me and saw this! These are the Wye Downs and the chalk crown near the top was where I was headed. I had cycled about 20-25 miles by this stage and it was just past midday so I was quite tired and very hot.

In addition to my two water bottles, I had packed my bladder this time so I had plenty of liquid with me. I knew I was going to need all of it.

This was a 600ft climb and on a par with my other Downs climbs. Unlike my usual climbs which started gentle before steepening sharply about half a mile from the top, this one was of consistent steepness throughout the 2.5 mile ascent. I was pleased that I didn't stop once but the consistency of the gradient, whilst relentness, meant that I could get into a good rhythm.

The view from the top is spectacular and worth the pain. Unfortunately it was a bit too hazy but on a clear day you can see the sea and into Sussex. This view was over the Devil's Kneading Trough, so called as medieval superstition has it that the devil cut away this coombe when shaping the English landscape. No coincidence then that I often refer to the North Downs as being satanic!!

To be honest, the ride from here on was gruelling and not much fun. It was incredibly hot and having reached the top of the Wye Downs I faced three more sharp 150ft climbs (not much in isolation but back to back in that heat and all sharp - not much fun) and a further 200ft one.

I passed this lovely old church near Pett Bottom (not sure exactly where) and couldn't resist a quick photo.

Onwards through Hastingleigh, North Ealham and the Ealham Valley where I hit these sharp climbs. With the radio mast on the Dover cliffs in sight I plateaued and then experienced headwinds! These were relatively welcome given the heat but with about 37 miles on the clock I was starting to feel weary.

Whilst I know the area fairly well I managed to take a wrong turn somewhere along the way and ended up at Lydden. Lydden is home to the racing circuit where Mclaren F1 team undertake their testing and Nathan lives at the northern end of this so I was close, but suddenly couldn't remember whether I needed to turn left or right.

As I had taken a wrong turn, I didn't have the photocopied map page with me and as I was at the bottom of a hill, I wasn't going to turn back up to try and re-trace my route. I rang Nathan at which point he said "didn't you get the message, we have cancelled the BBQ and are down at the beach". He has always been a wind up merchant and I never believe anything he says however when he told me I need to cycle to the top of the hill and on to the A2 for about 200 yards, I knew he was right. An unexpected 250ft climb to end the ride was what I got! Mind you, as soon as I arrived (about 1435), I jumped into his pool, fully clothed, which made it all worthwhile.

Nathan has got a great family and we spent the rest of the day in great company, eating, drinking and generally catching up on things. Then the chauffeur (sorry, support team) took me home.

Despite the heat and the gruelling trip, I maintained an average time of 11.3 mph which, to be honest, I was really pleased with.

Perfection

Following last weeks abandonement after 7 miles due to a slow puncture, I feel I more than made up for it on Saturday with a 37 mile ride around familiar routes.

I met up with my mate David Pearce again. Both of us were dressed for different weather systems - me in a short sleeve shirt and shorts, and he in shorts and tights (if that is the right description!), shirt and waterproof jacket plus woollen gloves over his cycling gloves. One of us was bound to get it badly wrong. In the event there was no winner or loser. We did encounter one short sharp shower but luckily with the ensuing sun, I dried off within 20 mins. Consequently I never felt under dressed except for the last mile, where it started to rain properly and the temperature really dropped. However being a mile from home, this wasn't a problem.




The route involved a couple of climbs including the usual to the top of the North Downs. We headed off north towards Oad Street, just south of Sitttingbourne. We basically crossed the M2 (not by playing chicken I hasten to add) before heading to the next bridge and looping back south, heading towards Hollingbourne. Just before reaching Hollingbourne and dropping off the Downs, we headed along the Pilgrims Waywhich runs West to East about half way up the Downs.




We had cycled about 16-17 miles at this point and it was here I met this chap on a bench who looked like he had been there a while. It was a lovely spot with fine views and a great place to rest for weary pilgrims. You can see the threatening sky behind!

We soon dropped off the Downs altogether, crossing the A20 into the medieval village of Lenham. It was back in about 1600 that an Edward Vant and his new wife Phillipa May moved up from Plymouth to undertake some restoration work on the church in Lenham. This man is responsible for every single Vant in Kent, 90% of which have been based within a 10 mile radius of Lenham.

We then had a gentle but long climb towards Sutton Valance where we stopped for a pint of Cornish brewed Doombar at the Swan just opposite this fantastic vintage Citroen. Give me one of these over a Ferrari any day! The pint and pub were worth a definite 5 saddles.

It was Sutton Valance where I visited a few weeks ago, stopping at the remains of the castle keep overlooking the Weald. I told my dad about this and he said that whilst he was at school in the village he had climbed to the top of the keep. This would really have taken some doing and with classic understatement, he said he may struggle to do it now!

From Sutton Valance it was a 6-7 mile ride to our next watering hole, The Oak on The Green, my local and adjacent to where I play cricket.

The pub is the partially obscured cream coloured building to the top right of the pavillion whilst the Fish restaurant (visible behind me on the piccie above) is just to the right of the pub. The blue sun canopy is also just visible. The North Downs can be seen in the background.

The first recorded match was between the Honourable Gentlemen of Bearsted the Honourable Artillery Club based in the City. This match took place in 1749 making Bearsted one of the oldest clubs in the country and therefore the world. Without wanting to bore non-cricketing readers, famous players who have played on The Green include Alfred Mynn (the "Lion of Kent" and pioneer of overarm bowling who is buried just outside the village), Alan "Titch" Freemen, Sir Pelham "Plum" Warner, Frank Woolley and more recently, Richie Richardson.

Bearsted is genuinely a truly historic club and one of our most prized possessions is a stump presented to us by Sir Pelham Warner that was used in the infamous Bodyline test series in Australia.

All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable ride. Exhilerating with a couple of decent climbs but all undertaken on country roads. Got to be as near perfect as possible.

Get stuffed

This week the three Amigos were unable to ride together, but I met up with my best school freind Melanie and her husband Steve, it was her birthday and we took a gentle 10 mile ride to the Flower Pot at Aston for lunch, where we were joined by their son George.

This pub is quite interesting as it is full of stuffed fish, wild boar, foxes, stoats and many other strange creatures.


The 3 Amigos have passed by before but never entered, so it was down to the Thomas family to give the chips a saddle rating, there was considerable discussion with scores ranging from 3 saddles to 5 and so we have taken the average which is 4 saddles to the chips, the beer scored 5 saddles which is very good considering that Steve used to own a brewing pub and still makes excellent beer at home.


We were there for at least 2 hours and then wobbled our way home the 10 miles, so just 20 miles this time, and to think I used to consider 20 miles a long ride, what a difference a few bike rides make.

Heat

Received a phone call at midday from a good mate of mine, David Pearce, asking me if I wanted to go out on a ride with him. I know not to be fooled by his size 5ft not very much with a girth to match (sorry, DP - artistic licence!) because he is a marathon runner and and a cyclist with the San Fairy Ann club in Maidstone, one of the biggest and oldest in Kent.


We headed west out of Maidstone i.e. bandit country for me as my area is North or East of the town. Our objective was Harvel where some of David's mates were running in a 5 mile race. Of all the places he had to choose as a destination, he would have to pick one on top of the satanci North Downs.


Once we had exited Maidstone, we targeted the Leybourne lakes, a local beauty spot at the bottom of the Downs.



A pleasant ride followed until we reached the foothills of the Downs. once again they did not disappoint, a 600ft climb over four miles, or more punishing in Saturday's heat, 500ft over two miles. It was a hard climb but as always, satisfying to reach the top. From there it was a short ride into Harvel where we were rewarded with an ice cream and a chance to watch the climax to the race.


When we talk about ill-fitting lycra, I will leave you to decide whether this shoiuld refer to me or the runner just about to cross the finish line. Maybe it is applicable to both!

The ride back down the Downs was heavenly as such descents are. It was made more fun by bumping into three chaps at the bottom, one of whom we suspect had had a tactical puncture as a means of avoiding the climb. They had no tools to repair the puncture so being the natural decent chaps we are, David and I offered to assist. In the mneantime, the chap who had the puncture phoned his wife to request a pick up. Despite us being there with all the tools he told his wife that unfortunately we only had left handed tyre levers and so we were not much use.

Whilst we were laughing about this, a seriously old jalopy drove past, driven by someone who looked like he was an extra on the Deliverance film set. As if to emphasise this, one of the chaps and I, right on cue, started whistling duelling banjoes.

Our next objective was the Malta Inn on the banks of the Medway, just by the lock at Allington, on the outskirts of Maidstone. We decided to take a detour to get there, cycling up to East Malling, through the research centre then on to the A20 past the Royal British Legion, one of our refreshment stops on the P2P.

We did encounter one snag, having dropped down the hill close to where the bridge is to cross the Medway to the Malta, we discovered the bridge was closed. This meant that we would have to cycle into Maidstone - something we wanted to avoid - unless we detoured into the marina and could hitch a ferry across!

No such luck although one boatowner kindly filled our bottles up with water. Plan B was back up the hill, into Maidstone and a pint at Drakes Cork & Cask pub, one of the oldest in Maidstone.

Unfortunately they only had one ale on tap, a guest called Norman Conquest. If I was putting my sensible hat on, at 5.00pm, fairly dehydrated, a 5% ale was probably not the best thing to have. That said it was a mighty fine pint and well worthy of 4.5 saddles.

From there it was time to head home. Rather than follow the A20 out of Maidstone and into Bearsted, we decided to detour through Mote Park. Mote Park is a fantastic facility comprising 450 acres of mature parkland, a 30 acre lake, Pitch and Putt (18 holes), children's play area, horse riding and is also a second home to Kent County Cricket. It is no exaggeration to say that Mote Park is to Maidstone what Central Park is to New York.

David and I parted in Mote Park, he exiting about half way along, me at the far side. Once I had exited, it was only about 2 mins home. The trip was 35 miles and we averaged about 13 mph which was punishing in that heat. I finally arrived home about 1800, very dehydrated and far more knackered than after the 33 miles the previous weekend over to Canterbury.

A quick shower, fire up the BBQ and a pint of Strongbow was a great way to end the day.

The blowing stone challenge

This weeks Tuesday ride started at Sallys house and again Pollyanna joined the Three Amigos as trainer, she came bearing gifts of energy drinks and bars for us to try.



We covered a similar route to an earlier ride, and quite early on we reached blowing stone hill which defeated all of us the last time around, although Pollyanna wasn't there last time, she of course flew up the hill but confessed to feeling sick when she reached the top. The picture of the base of the hill doesn't look too bad really, but as soon as we see this view we know we are in trouble.
I made it all the way up without getting off although I was going so slowly that at one point Tim was overtaking me walking, but I stress he was WALKING!! Sally also stopped once on the way up.





The blowing stone itself lies at the bottom of the hill and is surrounded by much legend, if you are interested google blowing stone and you can read all about it.










I am sorry but I think I have uploaded the pictures in the wrong order but I'm not sure, anyway we went through the village of Uffington where the locals were selling various jams, and flowers outside their houses.








































Uffington is also home to the Tom Browns school museum pictured here.




We went over the downs around Lambourne passing the gallops at the top of the hill where the rain became very heavy and as we decended again we got very cold and wet, so we decided it was time to stop for lunch.





Todays pub was the Star ( sorry but I can't remember where it was)
Anyway the Star initially seemed like a bad choice, Telly on, no customers and it didn't look like there was going to be any food.
We asked the Landlord and he said " oh we can't cook anything as we have no gas, but we have an electric chip pan" so we said "chips are good" then he said" I can do you ham baguettes as well, its home cooked ham" we said " great 4 of those too"
After the food Sally and Pollyanna fancied a hot chocolate and the Landlord again obliged although it is not something they normally do. So the star gets a rating of 4.5 saddles for the chips, 5 saddles for the ham baguettes, and 5 saddles for hospitality.



We had intended this to be a 47 mile ride but as Sally was still aching from the inter Livery Sailing on the weekend we had already cut the ride short and after the rain we were all very cold and fed up so we ended up going striaght home after the pub, making this ride a measly 25 miles.
When we got back our official trainer Pollyanna showed Sally and I some stretching excersises which Sallys dog Lucy thought was great fun and decided she must lick all our faces while we were unable to stop her.